It just takes the right support, the right mindset, and the right environment.
For now I think it’s safe to say that life is FINALLY good. :)
At this rate, I am almost positive that these random stabs of pain and insecurity will never go away.
I feel like it doesn’t matter what I say or do, how I act, whether or not I’m purging/restricting/cutting, how much I weigh…. The problem is me.
I’m the problem.
Will I ever feel good enough?
Will I ever BE good enough?
Are these two questions asking the same thing??? ^
I love being and immersing myself in the fact that I AM ALIVE.
Despite everything, despite all of those people.
I am more than a survivor or a warrior; I am a human being, and my level of adaptability will always outweigh the hatred or anger that those in life spout towards me.
I embrace and work on my imperfections, and it is these imperfections that make me a beautiful human being.
I. Am. Beautiful.
And so are you.
Not because you are alive, but because you are LIVING.
Reading through this post proves that, even if in only the most minute of ways.
I have no idea what the future holds for me, but instead of being afraid I welcome each and every challenge that comes to my door.
Bring it, Life, but take off your shoes at the door mat; goodness knows I don’t need to spend any more time cleaning up the mud you track through my house.
Sorry for the lack of posts lately…
I’m fostering, working, and boyfriending right now! :)
It is absolutely incredible to me just how much things can change in a three year period.
I left this town, where everything seemed to go badly for me and I could never do anything right, for a new start; college gave me the opportunity for that.
Now, looking back through pictures, my phone book, seeing the little mementos I have of my time in college….I dread ever going back to Oregon the same way I always dreaded returning to this place in California, a place that was so filled with triggers that for a while I couldn’t set foot in my parents’ house.
Now that house is becoming my home, still haunted with memories, but a safer home than what now lies in wait for me in Oregon.
Unless my roommate needs me or one of the few friends I have gets married…SOMETHING like that…I’m never going back.
Oregon was my love, my second chance, my escape from past horrours….it was home.
Now the thought of going there feels like a kick to the stomach.
I can’t breathe.
I simply cannot breathe.
I wasn’t expecting this one. Fair warning to all who are triggered by rape scenes.
please, please, please if you have not watched american horror story yet, and rape is a big trigger for you, please beware.
THE SCENE IS EXTREMELY TRIGGERING. EXTREMELY.
please do not watch it without caution.
if you would still like to watch the episode and you haven’t already, when emma roberts is talking to a guy on the stairs during the party, that is the moment you should turn off your television or skip forward.
Some people I knew would stay by my side through this whole journey; family, close friends, you know - the people who have your back no matter what.
Then there were the people that I thought would have my back. The people that I either wronged somehow in my dramatic and crazy period, or those who took the easy way out when things got tough. Basically, those who I essentially overestimated my friendships/relationships with.
Then there are the people who came out of God only knows where, and had my back when the chips were down or I was facing some pretty hardcore suicidal ideation. People who…I honestly had no idea that they cared!
These people don’t realize how much their support meant and means to me. They don’t realize that they saved me on more than one occasion, whether from relapsing or from doing stupid and reckless things like messing around with how many pills I took, drinking too much, or planning on getting in my car and driving it as fast as I could into a tree.
Between my family and the supporters that were there for me (my acquaintances that took notice of my pain, called me out when I was acting out, told me how they felt, gave me feedback, showed me somehow that I was worth fixing and that they cared), my life is back on the upswing.
Here’s to family, to friends that have your back no matter what, to new friends and romances, to getting back up on your feet, to getting healthy, and to keeping up the good fight.
I love this.
Just, whatever you’re doing, take the time out of your day to listen.
9 minutes. You can sacrifice that, even if you can’t. So. so. beautiful.
Would tweak tip #4 to be more inclusive of non-women who are victims of harassment, but on the whole this is one of the most positive contributions I’ve seen to the rape culture conversation presently consuming my campus.
I’m just saying…this person knows what’s up. ^
Regarding my school’s response to recent sexual assaults on campus:
"Subj: Third reported assault - don’t walk alone at night [etc etc etc in this vein]"
UBC, I appreciate the resources you provide with the goal of campus safety, but I wish you would INFORM me of them, not TELL me to DO or NOT…
Please consider taking the time to sign this petition.
When I first heard about the “Anna Rexia” costume design displayed here, I was heart broken. Beyond heart broken, really. Mad, sad, devastated, alone….these are just the first few emotional reactions I had.
Signing does not take that much of your time, and it is for a good cause.
Taking something so serious and so life-threatening, then turning it into a joke like this for Halloween is simply not okay.
Everyone knows someone, whether you realize it or not.
I’m not sure if my heart is broken, or just not working.
It feels like a piece of me is missing.
I cut and purged because of the effect I let those people have on me.
But now I’m mad.