Skinny by M [tumblr]
Yes yes yes yes YESSSSSS!!!!
Know the signs
Tolkien is brilliant for many reasons, of course, but this quote is beyond exceptional.
It gives me something to think on whenever I have my doubts. It reminds me to keep pushing forward when times get hard.
NEDA week. Wise words.
In honour of NEDA Awareness week…
Beautiful woman, powerful video, honest lyrics.
So well done, but very hard to watch.
Trigger warning to all rape/sexual assault victims, SPECIFICALLY MEN.
Slam Poetry is a beautiful thing, my friends. :)
nine photographs portraying quotes said to sexual assault survivors by police officers, attorneys, and other authority figures
more info about project unbreakable here
original tumblr here
This is so not okay…
If I had not been raped, today would have been - without a single doubt in my mind - the absolute worst day of my life.
Because…today I had my first OBGYN appointment, and it went a little something like this (these are all texts I sent my friends about the affair):
I don’t have a g-spot
It’s scarred over
He[, the serial rapist I dated,] might have carved it out.
I may never enjoy sex
I might have cancer
Need to throw up
Don’t feel anything
^Medical terminology: in shock.”
Just let that sink in for a second.
I finally took a huge step forward in my life; a huge step forward in my recovery!
Because I FINALLY found someone that I love and trust, someone that I am ready to explore and share my sexuality with.
And then this is what I’m told.^
3 hours after ‘finding those things out’:
”Fuck that bitch lady
It was literally the worst appointment.
I remember thinking ”next thing you know she’s going to tell me I have cancer!”
And then BAYUM.
I was waiting for the punk’d cameras
AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF WHEN I WAS ON THE VERGE OF TEARS AND LIKE ”Is that seriously all there is????” and she said yes, AS SHE WAS FUCKING LEAVING SHE’S ALL LIKE ‘btw my nurse is coming in to give you your guardasil shot’
AND I FUCKING HATE!
- Let me repeat that for emphasis -
My life crashed before my eyes today.
But I still somehow managed to pull myself out from the rip tide.
I hadn’t cried so hard since the first day I was raped. And honestly? It felt like being raped all over again.
My reality was ripped away from me and the Dr. from the OBGYN department walked out on me, tears welled up in my eyes, as I flat out asked ‘Is this all there is???’ And she said ‘yes. You might want to talk to your psychiatrist and psychologist to cope with this trauma’ and that was it.
She dropped such large bombshells on my life that I went into medical-shock, medical-catatonia….the world started to fade away and I couldn’t think, couldn’t speak. All I could do was stand there shaking.
I wanted to die.
The urge to die was overwhelming.
I was drowning again.
But I pulled myself out of it.
I don’t know how and I don’t know exactly when, but I did.
I just remember my mom’s angry voice ”NO! This is NOT all there is!” as I bawled my eyes out on the way home.
This is not all there is. And I will not let those woman’s callous words run my life.
I want a second opinion.
A second chance.
So I’m going to go out there and fucking get one.
Mary Lambert performs “Body Love” LIVE at Billboard’s studio, December 2013. SUBSCRIBE NOW http://bit.ly/BillboardSub for more exclusive performances, interv…
Props to my sister for showing me this. :)
Considering my entire life is dedicate to making PTSD, PD, and depression suck less right now, I have a lot of information to give you on this subject. So, I’m going to organize this to try and make it as readable as possible.
1. Try and maintain a stable lifestyle. This seems like the most obvious one that Sane People™ always tell you, but this one is actually quite important.
- Eat three healthy meals a day, with lots of vitamin D. People with PTSD tend to either not eat, or only eat comfort food when they do eat. It’s important to force yourself to try and get those three meals in a day.
- Sleep at night. People with PTSD tend to reverse cycle (stay awake at night, and sleeping during the day) because nighttime seems scary and dangerous. However, reverse cycling can do awful things to your mind. You should also be trying to sleep for at least eight hours a night, but I recognize that it usually isn’t our choice how long we sleep.
- Take your medication every day, at the same time. I recommend setting an alarm on your phone (I take mine at 7pm) and investing in one of those days-of-the-week medicine holders. They are really helpful because you always know when you’ve forgotten a day, or if you can’t remember if you have taken your medicine or not.
- Maintain a solid schedule every day. This will help you remember to do things like eat, but will also help with things like sleeping. It’s especially important to have a nighttime schedule. I find that doing the same thing every night can help reduce the amount of nightmares that I have. For example, I wash my face, change into my pyjamas, do sleep promoting yoga, and then I spray some relaxing mist and go to sleep while listening to Andrew Johnson’s Don’t Panic app.
2. Learn techniques for self care. This can be really important for dealing with flashbacks, hallucinations, and dissociative episodes.
- Breathing is super important, although personally, I’ve never had an luck with “deep breathing exercises” that you perform while having a panic attack, flashback, hallucination, or dissociative episode. Instead, I’ve had better luck with doing breathing exercises when I’m not stressed, so that when I have an episode, I can kind of trick my brain into thinking I’m just practicing my breathing. The first one I recommend is breathing through those teeny tiny alcohol straws. Because your breathing is limited, your brain will think you can’t get oxygen and hyperventilate. The first few times you’ll probably get really panicky, but after practicing it for a while it you’ll be able to do it without panicking. Then, when you actually hyperventilate, your brain will just think you’re breathing through a straw. The second one I recommend is doing muscle-breathing exercises. What I do is I lay down and then I flex one muscle in my body and then hold my breath until it’s uncomfortable, and then let it go while letting the tension in my muscle go. I do this to every muscle (or at least every major muscle, like foot, calf, thigh, butt, back, shoulders, etc.) in my body. So when I’m having an episode, I just breath in and hold it and then let it go, and my body is tricked into relaxing.
- Learning techniques to ground yourself is important. Personally, I think that anything involving the senses can help to ground yourself. I carry around a fiddle toy (I think the one I have is called a FlexiBlox) because the sensation of the wood moving across my hand helps ground me. Here are some other tips: [x] [x]
- Dealing with hypersensitivity and coping with hypervigilance is important. I personally use multiple items on this list.
- Learn your boundaries and your limits. It’s important to know how much you can mentally and physically handle, because if you push yourself too much, you will pay for it. For example, let’s say you get invited to three activities this week. Because of your disorder, you may only feel comfortable leaving your house (other than for school or work) once a week. So, only RSVP for one of those events instead of pushing yourself and then being totally catatonic the next week.
- Set aside time to do mindful things. Mindful things are activities that take up all of your brain activity so you have less available thinking space to panic. This can include things like reading, playing video games, exercising, playing music, etc.
3. Surround yourself with people who understand.
- If possible, cut out anyone from your life who says things like, “Mental disorders are all in your head. Why can’t you just be happy?”
- Join a support group, either online or in real life, with other people suffering from PTSD. They will understand what you are going through and are much easier to talk to.
- If you have people close to you who don’t understand PTSD, try to explain it to them. It was way easier once I told my two friends at university that I had PTSD, so instead of making up some excuse for why I wasn’t at school, I can just say, “My PTSD is particularly bad today.” and they understand.
- If you can afford to, go to psychologist (someone with a PhD) who specializes in PTSD. Personally, I didn’t find going to counsellors particularly helpful. People who are trained in EMDR and Exposure Therapy are some of the only people who can really decrease the severity of the symptoms.
- Do your therapy. That sounds ridiculous, but a lot of people spend months, if not years, going to therapy every week and no actually doing anything. After you build a trusting relationship with your psychologist, it’s important to just do what it takes to get better. Do EMDR, talk about what you’ve experienced, do the at-home exercises. If you put in the work to get better, it WILL show, and you will get better more quickly.
I hope that this helped. If any have any more questions, feel free to send them to my ask box!
Maybe I should be following this list a little more closely. :/
I am 100% stuck, and I don’t know how to get un-stuck.
There are things holding me back from moving forward, like poisonous vines tightening their grip around my arms, legs, and torso. These vines are trying to pull me back into that dark thicket from which I just miraculously emerged.
How do you move forward when you’re stuck in quicksand?
When there are vines pulling you back to a place you fought so damn hard to get out of?
Living should not be this difficult.